I spent the whole weekend at his..not that its unusual. But I like it. His arms around me..touching me, his movements at nite whilst asleep..waking up in the morning..laughing about how drunk we were the night before..getting up, showering..making tea for him..
You know when you feel like you dont want leave. You just dont want those few hours to end. I always get out of bed last..he walkes around in his rooms, shows me stuff on his computer, plays some tunes for me..chats to our mates about the nite before on MSN, me talking from the bed,him typing what I'm saying.
Then, agree the plan for the day, pick up my stuff which is everywhere in his room..always leaving something behind..you know..just so that he too remembers that I've been there..
And all our little conversations that we still have. When we're in the pub, restaurant, wherever. We're surrounded by our mates, but we always end up talking quietly with each other. Not secrets, but little everyday things that have happened.. And about the past..Me and Him.
We get asked so many times like "what's your boyfriend's name?" or someone says "your girlfriend's really nice"..we always explain that we're not a couple and people are surprised. This weekend we got asked twice "How come you two dont hook up?" We just laughed and said "Been there, done that"..looked at each other. I smiled. So did he. A second later I closed my eyes for a second.. Thought of how things could have been..smiled at myself. My silly self.. Then opened my eyes, looked up and saw him still looking at me from across the table. Smiling. I showed him the finger and said "right, another drink then" and left for the bar.
Sometimes I feel sadness for us. For him not giving us a chance. Or for him not making a choice. Always going back and forth. Past. Present. It's been like this for years. I'm never gonna get over him if he cant move on. I try to. Believe me, I really do. But I continue dreaming during the week. Dreams of me and him. And they come true. During the weekends. When it's always just us. Me and him.
